A little over a year ago, I did what everyone expected of me. I graduated college, got a job, moved to the big city, and started my life as an adult. On the outside, I had everything figured out. I paid my own bills, lived in my very first apartment, and had a 401k. But, on the inside, I was a hot fucking mess. I had all of 2 friends, a nonexistent social life, and couldn’t tell you the last time I looked at a treadmill.
Fast forward to today. I’m still a hot fucking mess. I quit my first job (that I absolutely hated) with no job lined up and I still couldn’t tell you the last time I looked at a treadmill, especially considering I canceled my gym membership about two months ago. But, I have the most amazing, supportive, funny, loving group of friends, and maybe a little too active for a social life.
Anyone who expects to have it all together and figured out in their twenties is living in a fantasy life. My mom still does my taxes and I religiously WebMD every single symptom I ever contract. That doesn’t mean anything. Life isn’t meant to be this orderly, organized, understandable thing. It’s messy, scary, wonderful, shitshow. And, the sooner you accept that, the better everything will be. For a type-A, to-do list addict, this was incredibly hard for me to grasp. However, sitting here at my desk, contemplating what my next move in life will be has made it a lot easier to recognize.
If you would have asked me a year, month or even a week ago, where I thought my life was going, my answered would have been 100% different. I had a plan, damn it, a PLAN! But, you can’t live life according to a plan. Being a twenty-something, especially in a city full of seemly successful, put-together, people is not easy. You have to remember that success is relative. I was employed and had a decent paycheck, so by some societies standards, I was successful. I also hated my job and fantasized about life where I enjoyed my work and was excited to go to work in the morning. Now, more than ever, being happy in both my personal and professional life is a mark of success to me.
I feel like many 24 year-olds look back at the age where they thought they would have their shit together by the age they are now. Literally no one really ever has their shit together. If you do, you are a magician. Actually, I take that back. Harry Potter most definitely never really got it together. Two months after quitting my job, being unemployed, working retail, and asking my parents to pay my rent, I finally have a job I love in a non-profit. However, I’m still paying my parents back for rent and rebuilding my very sad bank account. But, I also applied to grad school. I realized how amazing my friends really are (get used to hearing about them). And, I remembered why I wanted to be an adult so badly when I was younger. Being an adult is great, most of the time. You can eat ice cream for dinner, drink a whole bottle of wine, stay up past your bedtime, or even give yourself an earlier bedtime.
My life is a wine-fueled roller coaster ride. I hope you enjoying riding along with me!